Today Was Not a Good Day

I think it’s equally as important to talk about the bad times as it is the good. Success is so glamorized, and I’m the first one to get drawn into the idea that “making it” (whatever that means) will bring happiness and fulfillment. The more I move along in the world, get experience and mature, the more I realize that the mountain top just moves as you move. I know there have been moments where I feel on top of the world, but it’s not a consistent feeling, and I’m not sure it’s supposed to be.

That said, today has been hard. Sometimes writing can feel really lonely. Self-publishing has been, by far, the hardest thing I’ve ever done in my career. Despite everything, including basic logic, you really do have this unrealistic expectation that you will magically hit the New York Times bestseller list straightaway. You do not.

Some days it’s hard as hell to sit in front of the keyboard writing, wondering if people are ever going to read the fucking books. At first it hurts when friends or family don’t read (or don’t finish your books). I quickly got over that. However, what I was not prepared for––and what is still really hard for me to handle on some days––is just how difficult it is to build a relationship with every single reader. And I do mean relationship, because that’s what it is. Reading isn’t a casual thing. When people consistently read your work, that is the magical shit. What other reason do we write than to share the work?

Yes, today I wish those relationships came more easily. It’s definitely hard to see reader drop-off as I progress in my series. Other writers always say this is normal. You just don’t realize how much it hurts until it happens to you.

Sad rant complete.