Reinventing Myself (Once Again)

“From lawyer to porn producer to author: how I did it.” That was the name of a recent room I hosted on the new drop-in audio social app, Clubhouse.

It was interesting to see who popped into the room and what they wanted to talk about. I had a law student in Germany ask me to explain the concept of stare decisis (the American legal doctrine requiring the judicial branch to follow existing case law when handing down decisions). Multiple working-and-aspiring porn stars and fetish artists stopped by. And I had a few writers come through asking me why I chose to self-publish.

For me, the strong thread through my career has been writing. Whether I was penning columns for The Huffington Post, creating campaigns in the luxury Beauty space or simply plotting novels, I always felt most confident in my writing skills. The written word has been my bread and butter both as an entrepreneur and as a working creative.

So, I found it surprising recently when, for several weeks, anxiety began creeping up on me. Imposter Syndrome spun its pernicious little web through my unsuspecting mind. All of a sudden, I felt overwhelmed.

I felt as though I had totally forgotten how to do marketing. I worried that absolutely no one cared what I was doing. Worst of all, I was plagued by the fear that no one would read my book. What happened to all my hard-won confidence? Why did my recognition of my own accomplishments evaporate?

Upon my wife’s urging, I scheduled a catch-up call with my career coach. She always validates my feelings and counters my negative thought patterns with super reasonable information that even I can’t deny.

But what else happened that put me to ease? You folks showed up for me.

I started interacting with a lot of you on social media again, after an extended break. Some of you replied back to my recent emails, saying how excited you were for the book. A few of you even texted me to check in.

Just as quickly as I’d turned down a dark emotional path, y’all steered me back to myself again. I remembered that what’s important to me hasn’t changed. What I care about most is developing a caring relationship with you. A relationship based on mutual admiration and trust. My most fervent wish is to continue to create content (books, movies, TV) that keeps you highly entertained––and titillated!

So, thank you. You’re the best, and I’m very much looking forward to investing even more time and thoughtfulness into our relationship.

I’m always interested in your thoughts and feedback, so if you want, I’d love for you to reply back with what kind of content you’d like to see from me in emails, on the blog or otherwise.